Let Me Explain......

Okay, it's apparent that I need to explain the whole mother-in-law situation.

Here goes. The first time I met the MIL and FIL were about 5 years ago. By that time me and Rog already had the kids. Logan was probably 2 or 3. They came from India to visit.

Mind you, I, the wife, the WHITE wife, was NOT the FIL's choice of wife for his son. For years the FIL sent profiles of Indian women that he thought his son should marry. These women weren't commoners. They held master degrees. The FIL sent his son these profiles KNOWING that I was living with the son. KNOWING that we already had a daughter together.

When the FIL called to talk to his son, if I answered the phone he would hang up and call again. This time Roger would answer, and, even at 4am when he usually called, the conversation would escalate into an argument. Over money, over why he won't come back to India, over why he won't accept any of the profiles he sent.

So, they came to visit that 5 or so years ago. I worked nights then, and stayed home during the day with the 2 toddlers. The first day they were in my house Roger left for the office, and left me here with his parents.

His parents who, not only spoke no English, but avoided me and the kids altogether !! Within 2 hours of Roger leaving I was in my bedroom closet in tears, calling Roger to please come home. These in-laws ignored me. Ignored the kids. The FIL did nothing but drink scotch all day in the bedroom and the MIL did nothing but refill his drink. The MIL sat on the couch and watched the Discovery Channel all day at MAX VOLUME !! Me and the kids were basically banished to my bedroom to watch cartoons.

Then she decided to cook. She filled my kitchen with odors I cannot describe. There were bowls upon bowls of food I could neither recognize nor pronounce.

The next night I ask Roger what I can make for dinner that they will eat. Spaghetti he says. Okay, that's easy enough. I make spaghetti. They refused to eat. Not even a bite to try it. Nope. Oh yeah, I'm pissed.

Another day I plan to take the kids to the mall to the little playground there to pass the time and wear them out. I invite FIL and MIL to come with me. Nope. I later found out that they did not want to be SEEN with me in public. OKAY.

Are you starting to see where I'm coming from now?

We go to visit Roger's brother and his wife in Daytona one day. The in-laws insist on taking a picture of THEM in front of the 4 cars in the driveway. BECAUSE they need to show everyone in India how RICH their sons are in America. It didn't matter that the 4 cars belonged to 4 different individuals. The fact that they were all in the same driveway was all they needed.

That was their first visit.

Since then the FIL has passed away. The MIL, I'm told, felt very relieved when this happened. Apparently the woman had no backbone of her own when he was alive, or wasn't allowed to have a backbone. Anyway, after the FIL died, she did call every so often and actually ask about me and the kids. I proceeded to send her pictures of the kids each year.

Now, at 72 she is here for what will probably be her last visit. She is staying, for the most part, in Daytona at Roger's brother. See, they eat Indian food all the time. They UNDERSTAND her when she speaks so she doesn't HAVE to speak English if she is too lazy to. They don't have kids to spend their money on so they have more money than us to spend on doing fun things.

We met them all for lunch one day. Rengy paid the whole tab, by HIS choice. The MIL was mad cuz Roger didn't pay for it !!! WTF !?!? Let Rengy pay for it once !! It was his idea to do the lunch thing, his tab !! Roger always pays the tab for these things.

The MIL was here for 3 days this weekend. In the course of 3 days she probably said no more than 20 words to me in English. She instead spoke only to Roger in Malaylam (sp), which he always responded to her in clear English. It was only by his responses that I had a clue as to what she was talking about.

The MIL has issues. She thinks we should just pick up and make a trip to India with the kids. Um, let's see…..we have businesses to run? We can't just drop them and fly off to a foreign country for 3 weeks. Hell, it takes 2 days just to get there!! And let's not even talk about the price of airline tickets for 4 from FL to LA to Singapore to India !!!! And then there is the teensy weensy problem of being on a plane for 48 hours with 2 CHILDREN !!!! Can we say 'not enough alcohol available on plane' ???

But she just don't get it. He has tried to explain to her we neither have the time nor the money to visit India. Let alone the DESIRE to !!!! There is nothing to DO there but sit and listen to everyone speak around us cuz we don't understand them. But oh !! We're from America and we are RICH !!!

So, Monday was the clincher !! I think I was so stunned by her comment that I failed to react to it. Now, every time I think of it I want to strangle the bitch !!

Roger is in the kitchen, MIL is sitting at dining table alone. I enter the kitchen and the conversation goes:

Roger: "Mummy said that Rengy was willing to pay for the kids'…"

MIL Cuts In: "Don't tell her nothing ! Don't tell her nothing" THIS said in perfectly CLEAR ENGLISH !!!!

Roger: "…tickets to India!"

This is where Vicki is stunned. First of all, my kids are NOT going to India without me. And WE are NOT going !! How many times have we told her this??? But, nope, she went behind our backs and talked Rengy into saying that HE could pay for the kids' tickets !! WHAT? He can't pay for mine and Roger's TOO???? OH, yeah, Roger and Vicki weren't invited to go, I'm guessing?????

Second, "DON'T TELL HER NOTHING!" ????? EXCUSE ME ?!??!?! Who do you think you are to tell my husband to withhold information from me?? We don't do that in this house !!! We do not keep secrets here !! Maybe that's how it worked in YOUR marriage, and maybe that's why you were so miserable. But that not how we do it here—in AMERICA !!

So, I say "The kids are not going to India without us. And Rengy and Mary have never even offered to take the kids for a weekend let alone expect that I would let them take them overseas for 3 weeks!!! Good Grief !!"

I didn't really say it TO her, just said it to the tense air in my kitchen. Oh, me and Roger are completely on the same page here. His brother is an arrogant ignorant ass. This was his attempt at making waves and showing off that HE has money. That is what Rengy does. He is a whiner, complainer and likes to be difficult. He likes to change everyones plans right before the event. And Roger now sees and understands why I want nothing to do with Rengy. But this remark by his mother about not telling me nothing was over the top !!! I let it slip off my back when it happened. But now, I can't stop thinking about it and it gets my blood pressure up instantly.

This woman is in the States for another month.

She flew into Sanford/Orlando with another family/friend or something. Rengy and Mary picked her up at the airport. BUT !!! Guess who has to fly her up to New Jersey when she leaves !?!?! You got it !! Roger. And who's idea was that? Rengy's !! Why can't he fly her ass up there ???? Rengy paid for Roger's ticket, but made damn sure we knew how much it cost. Hell no we are not paying him back!! He did this without even asking Roger if it was okay that he fly up there with her !!! So, Roger has to fly up there with her then hop the return flight and come straight back. Stupid or what??? She has to fly the rest of the way ALONE !!! She couldn't fly to JERSEY alone too???

There are a dozen or so little incidents and conversations that have happened over the course of her visit so far, but I can't remember them all. But this is what I am dealing with.

I know I have to be nice. I know she is here to see her grandchildren. I know this will be her last time to see her boys and grandchildren. I UNDERSTAND !!! But the woman really has a distorted vision of life. She said the other night that the hurricanes happen to punish people. God's punishing people by flooding their homes. She had to go shopping here but when we pack the stuff it has to be left in the original boxes or bags so that she can show people back home that she bought something from AMERICA.

See, I could go on and on…….

But, I just felt I needed to give you a background of the situation. And you need to know that I have tried very hard to be nice, polite and understanding when she is in my house. And for that I am basically ignored and disrespected. I now know that she feels I do not deserve to know certain things. Yup, I see now. I got her all figured out. And if I had my way, she would not be back here again.

Done.