Puke Farts and Raw Hotdogs

I’m a sittin’ here, sippin’ on my vodka crans….and thinking to myself…......

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Do slow drivers do it on purpose? It has NOTHING to do with saving gas. I think they are just plain slow, in general, you know…upstairs. Do they realize if they actually went the speed limit they wouldn’t hit so many red lights and actually get where they are going? And so would I ! GRR !....

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Why do I get me period on vacations and holidays? Never fails. I can plan around when it’s supposed to be there…but it won’t turn out that way. It will be late, or early. Just because. And men think getting and “inconvenient chub” is a pain in the ass. (haha think about that! Pain in the ass….LOL)....

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Why is it when I get in the shortest checkout lane it’s going to be the one with the idiot that doesn’t know how to work the debit thing? PIN? What’s that? ....

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Why do I suddenly get the chills in the shower when I’m holding a razor in my hand? Do you know what it feels like to shave off all your goosebumps?????....

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I like to mouth the words along with my mp3 on the crosstrainer. With my eyes shut. And I don’t care what people think. My husband thinks I’m weird.....




I fart at my desk. Roger always walks in just when it’s starting to permeate the room ! LOLOLOL I really need to get a candle in there !! ....

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I cut and color my own hair. Leaves me more money for alcohol and tobacco. ....

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I eat raw hotdogs. And I don’t’ really care what they are made of. After rimming your husband, it’s kind of irrelevant. LOL....

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I can clean up shit with my bare hands, but I can’t go near puke. Might be post-tramatic syndrome from that high school party where I woke up with my face on a kitchen table in a pile of my own puke? Lightweight.....

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My husband says I snore. I’ll stop snoring --if he stops farting on my legs when I’m playing Big Spoon !! ....

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My daughter thinks a new song is cool. She sings it to me. I sit listening, patiently, grinning ear to ear…….Then I show her the original Pat Benatar or Billy Idol version from the 80’s !! ....

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I think me and Charlie on “Two And A Half Men” would make a great friends !! ....

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I would love to go to one of Durt’s BLACKOUT parties. Just once. ....

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Leaving it at that. ....