All Horned Up With No Place To Go

Yeah, so most of ya know I’m quitting smoking. I figured at $4.50 a pack I could buy ALOT more alcohol without the added nicotine expense. And the way I drink, that extra cash will come in very handy.

Maybe I can move up to a wine WITH a cork !!!

I’m doing pretty good. Lucky for me, even after 26 years, I am still just one of those bitches that only smoke when they drink. Course, I made LOTS of excuses to drink ! But, it’s made quitting easy, so far. I’ve been drinking at home, same as usual. Course, I haven’t yet tested myself in a bar situation. All my beer buds are smokers. Could be a very scary situation….NDLaw, you might have to come down and be my ‘support person’ !! LOL

They say when ya give up one habit another one takes it’s place. Or is it you’re supposed to replace the bad habit with a good one? I forget.

Anyhoo, I think I found my replacement habit. Or rather, I think my hormones pointed it out for me.

Can we say “horney” ?!?! Altogether now, “HORNEY” !!!

For the love of God ! I can’t get thru a day without thinking about sex. Without some erotic, carnal image popping into my brain at any random minute.

Sitting at my desk and BAM !! Sitting in my car at a stoplight…guy in car next to me…BAM !! In the elevator, alone. BAM !! It don’t stop. All friggen day long !!!

Not that I’m complaining, mind you. I love sex. With my husband or without him. It’s good all around. I could get it every day from him and I’ll still fire up the ole AA BOB on a commercial break with Kelly and Regis. Yeah, I’m that fast sometimes. LOL

My mind is obsessed with it. A guy walks by and my first thought is what it would be like to jump his bones. Right then and there, in the cereal aisle, between the PopTarts and Froot Loops. I don’t care if he’s single, married, or gay. He sportin’ some sausage, I be needing breakfast.

I was at the gym today. And I was checking out the chicks !! Sweaty chicks !! WTH??? (k, some of you know I have a fantasy involving chicks and I DO check them out more than I probly should !! LOL No, I am not a lesbian, but I’ll give it a shot if she lands in my lap !!)

I hear they say “the more ya get, the more ya want”. Sounds like an addiction to me. And NO, I do NOT want an Intervention, so you all just BACK the shit OFF !! Unless, of course, it’s not THAT kind of intervention……SEE? There I go again !!!

My poor husband. He’s doing really good at keeping up with me. I give him kudos. He’s a trouper. And he’s hitting his targets dead on for the most part. Lord knows, he’s only a man. They ain’t always got the best timing…but I catch up. I can always call in BOBBackup. LOL

Which reminds me, I want a new BOB. *yawn* He’s okay. But it’s time for new. Bigger. Need more girth. Am I wrong, girls? It really is all about girth.

OH !!! I was making a salad this morning and I was peeling a cucumber ! What do you think I was thinking????? I almost dropped the damn peeler and sat down on the kitchen floor !!!

I kid you not. And my husband wouldn’t have known the difference. LOLOL Best salad HE ever ate !!

(Alright, which of you went THERE with the whole Tossin’ the Salad thing?! SEE ! I knew it !! I’m not alone here !!)

So, anyway… If this is what happens when ya quit smoking then I’m gonna quit EVERY day !!!

I’m scared to quit drinking too. You’d probly find my stuck to the stick shift in my car !! I be revvin’ from 5th to reverse and back again !! LOL