It's been a crazy week. Last Wednesday me and my kids flew 1800 miles and drove another 250 to spend time with my family. Well, that and to do something I have never done before.
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It is tearing me up. I thought it was a good idea at the time. 3 months ago. Wasn't even my idea. But now, tonight, 3am, I am SOOO second guessing myself.....
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In the past 7 days we have slept in 3 different houses, eaten more fast food than I can ever remember doing, the kids have tumbled with 5 dogs and 15 kittens. We celebrated Alexx's birthday; I partied 2 nights with my best girl, played drinking games and wore Christmas bells on my head.....
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Tonight is my last night here. Tomorrow morning I leave for Souix Falls. I catch a plane back to Florida. Alone. My children are staying behind, spending 20 days with my sister and her family.....
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In eleven years, not ONCE have I ever spent more than a night away from my kids; nothing more than a one night sleepover at the neighbors. Not a single day in 11 years has gone by that I did not see my children at least once each day.....
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Tomorrow I leave them. It is eating me alive.....
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This whole idea came about from a simple conversation with my sister about the cost of summer camp in Florida. For 9 weeks it would be $1500 together, the two of them. My sister says "Hell you could fly them up here for less than that!" And so the idea was born.....
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When I asked the kids 3 months ago if they would like to do this, they were all gungho . And tonight when I tucked them in, they are still fired up. Having a blast !....
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I was the adult. I pretended I was all excited for them. And I am, honestly. But I hid how sad it made me. I was fully aware that this is the last night I will kiss them good night for a long time. I don't think it has fully sunk into their minds yet.....
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Some people are lucky enough to have family to help with kids. They help out with babysitting and maybe even take them for a weekend so you and spousie can have some quality time.
I don't have that luxury. I have no family to help out like that. I'm going from 0 to 20days, and 1800 miles in a week ! I can't just drop everything and run pick them up cuz they are homesick. (Or I am !)....
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On the one hand, I can't wait to get home!! I get to spend 3 weeks with my husband. Alone. I get to jump his ass anytime I want, anywhere I want- and he can't use the kids as an excuse !!! (Yeah, I know, why would he NEED an excuse in the first place…..*shaking head in bewilderment*)....
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I can just up and take off, do 
All this freedom !! What to do first !?!? (K, dumb question !)....
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Then there's the OTHER hand. The one that is leaving the kids in another time zone ! I know, it will be good for them. They will do SO many new and fun things! There's the trampoline, fishing with Grandpa, the kitties, traipsing thru the woods, the 4th of July parade and fireworks, swimming at the lake, the pools, the zoo and parks, sleeping at Grandma's house, trips to the Dairy Queen, softball games and family gatherings. All these wonderfully new things to do. Things that kids growing up in the Midwest take for granted. ....
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You really don't know what you have til it's gone. And I am SOOO gonna miss my babies. Somebody tell me they will be fine. I will be fine. It's only 20 days....This is good for me, hubby.... and them…......
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And think of me today, as I fly home alone….all the way, hating myself for leaving them behind.....
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And, then, if you're really bored, think of me tonight about 10pm EST --when I finally crawl into bed with my honey…and we make up for lost time, and a missed anniversary.
I love you, honey. Sorry I couldn't be there yesterday. I'll make it up to you ! I promise.
UPDATE ***
I said goodbye to them. Drove to Mom's 1/2 hour away. It was then the phone rang.....both of them. BAWLING, begging me to come back. "mommy I wnat you to come back" "I wnat to go home" "mommmy why can't you stay?"
I convinced them to stay for the 4th of July and one week and we would see then. Maybe I will come up a week early. I figured if they make that long they will make it the rest of the way.
Dad says "it ain't gonna kill em".
It's time to cut the cord....I know this. Don't make it easier or less painful.......
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