Shit Or Get Off The Pot ! Current mood: distraught Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
I can't take it anymore. I lost all my blogs in the 'accidental purging' by Tom who, I think, really IS gay. I thought I had backed them up on my Blogger site, but it seems only one survived the copy/paste cross-town trip intact.

It's not like I had a ton of them. I'm not that good. But I would like to think that the ones I did manage to concoct were at least entertaining bathroom reading. Blogging is not easy for me, and it takes a bit of effort to get one polished to the point I would post it. Kinda anal that way, I guess. A bit of a perfectionist.

In actuality, I am LESS shy in person and MORE shy behind this crazy website. And anyone that knows me in person will vouch for my ability to do and say just about anything, to anyone, anywhere. Even Jenilu, who I have yet to meet in RL, has seen sides of me that only my real friends have had the privilege of enjoying. I can't wait to meet that girl. (Kinda scared too, cuz I think we're gonna need a cab and bail money)

Anyway, so I need to get my little blogging nest built up again. I actually had a small handful of subscribers. And logging in every couple times a day was actually getting to be fun cuz people were actually reading me, and leaving comments. Most you guys get them by the dozens, all day long…….for me, it was sheer joy to see that "Blog Comment" appear in my little box (tee hee, I said "my little box" )

So, if you are reading this, please make my day, comment and subscribe. I don't blog often but I WANNA BE COOL TOO !!!

And off to my topic today.
I can't poop. Believe me, I want to. But, I can't.
But, I could supply the entire city of Orlando, and probably all of Orange County with gas !!! LOL

Stop laughing. It's not funny. Okay, maybe it is…… (pfffrrrrtttt).

Oh come on, guys ! Are you kidding me?! You think girls are above farting??? Just cuz we don't brag about it, announce it to our friends or try to light it on fire? I don't care who your chick is, she farts !!!

I can't remember the last time I had a good 'sit down with Cosmo" My magazine subscriptions are piling up in the 'reading room'.

I've lost 12 pounds so far and am attempting to burn off a couple more yet. And in that attempt I have had to make a few 'adjustments'. I've revamped my diet. I am surviving on protein shakes, bananas, eggs and limited carbs. And, it's seems, I may be lacking in the fiber department just a bit…. Ya think?

Anyway, I talked to a reliable source who happens to have a 'pretty little certificate' hanging on her wall. She's SAYS she's a certified physical trainer……like I said, I ain't met her yet, but I'm gonna take her word for it.

She says I have to take fiber when I switch up my diet like I did. Well, um, okay………now I have to go to the Walmart and shop for Metamucil ??? And, did you know they have that crap in a pill too? So she says.

AND she says I should take a 'COLON CLEANSE' once a day. Is it safe to leave the house after taking this 'CLEANSE' or should I plant my ass on the almighty throne and wait for the mudslide? I would hate to be somewhere that was not plumbing adequate once this 'CLEANSE' kicked in !!! Clean up in Aisle 4 !!!

Yeah, so that's my uncomfortable predicament I'm in this week. I even went out last Friday night, drank a ton of beers and shots, hoping for that inevitable morning 'beer shit'. Nope. Not even that lucky. Hell, I was so dehydrated I didn't even pee till 7pm the following evening !!!
I'm off to Walmart, in search of Metamucil in a pill and Colon Cleanse. I have a feeling me and Tidy Bowl man are gonna get to know each other again, real soon !!!