Sloshin' Thru Life With Vicki: Who You Calling Frigid?

Men are always complaining that their wives never want to put out. I don’t know where these men are finding these bisches! They makin’ the rest of us look bad !

I have yet to cum across a female on here, or even a real live one, for that matter, that will not openly admit how much they love sex. I kid you not.

What do you think us chicks talk about over ‘ritas and beer?

Maybe there is some confusion as to what the term ‘putting out’ means?

For you guys, it means anything from a hand job or blowjob to slow, sensuous love-making to Stick-You-From-Behind-Cuz-I’m-Too-Lazy-To-Roll-You-Over.

There’s even Bend-You-Over-The-Sink-While-Brushing-My-Teeth Sex. As long as there is some type of member stroking involved and spewage of the jizz, I, the female, have ‘put out’.

As to the frequency of ‘putting out’, men will take it whenever and wherever they feel the need. Commercials, half-time of the big game, traffic jams, after they’ve mowed the yard in 90 degree heat. (yeah, that’s real yummy)

As for us chicks, we too, will take slow, sensuous sex, quickie Bend-Me-Over-The-Sink-Sex, and even an occasional Sneak-In-From-The-Back-Slip-It-Btween-The-Cheeks-Sex.

And we especially like an occasional Slam-Me-Up-Against-The-Wall session. Talk dirty to me. Tell me how good I taste. Tell me how hard I make you and how bad you want to cum inside me.

We enjoy all of this. Just like you. Honest.

Now, frequency for us can vary, depending on flow. We have that week of stay-the-fuck-away-from-me. Which, if you play your cards right the other weeks, could earn you a 4-5 days of blowjobs!

And there’s also a bloated, cramped day or two when the thought of you shoving anything up my love canal makes childbirth look attractive.

But, other than that, we prefer it before breakfast. Oh, and maybe for a ‘nooner’ …an afternoon snack and again as a nightcap. An yes, sometimes all in the same day. But, if you can’t bring yourself to perform at such a professional level, we ARE willing to negotiate.

However. There are rules.

The first rule, and I put this one first because it is the most important. And, it is dependent on Rule Number Two.

Rule Numero Uno : I MUST CUM.

There are no ifs, ands, or buts. You MUST get me off.

I don’t care if it’s before you cum, during or after. You MUST finish the job. Do not, under any circumstances, leave me hanging. We do not do Courtesy/Charity Sex. (unless agreed upon prior to said session) And after a week of free blowjobs, it’s the least you could do, don’t you think?

Rule Number Two: You MUST preheat the oven. There is NO roasting of the meat without first preheating the damn oven !!

Your attempting to ram your mammoth hard dick into my dry, soft folds of flesh would be akin to me maybe shoving my thumb into your pee-hole !! It fuckin’ hurts !!!

Do SOMETHING. Anything. Spit on it if you have to….okay, don’t do that. That’s not sexy at all. At least don’t let me KNOW you spit on it. But, hey, getting close enough to spit on it is a good place to start.

It only seems logical that the hotter and wetter you get the puss BEFORE you ram it, the hotter and better the sex will be. I will cum much quicker, and harder…. and it won’t feel like you just ran a 10K marathon on your knees. Trust me on this one.

With this all said, I still have to ask.

Where are you men finding these cold fish for wives????

Were they cold fish BEFORE you married them? I’m guessing not. Or you would never have gone thru with it.

So what happened? Kids. Possible. They can be exhausting. (maybe if you helped out more she wouldn’t be quite so exhausted every damn day?)

But I’m guessing that’s not it.

I’m guessing it might have something to do with the skidmarks in your not-so-sexy tightie-whities.

Or the incessant scratching of your balls. Or maybe it’s those puke inducing farts that explode out of your ass under the covers, which hit her in the face like a fuckin’ train when she rolls over.